Sigghhh ...

This is going to be a depressing post so if you're not planning on having your day spoilt by hearing me bitch, then I'd advise you not to read on. There, don't say I didn't warn you. If you end up being depressed too, then you only have yourself to blame for being pig headed and reading this post :D

I'm a happy go lucky kinda guy. I don't really bother too much about things. For me, it's always let's leave tomorrows problem for tomorrow and live for today. But lately I've been thinking a lot (which is a small miracle to begin with) about life, about work, about what an Ugg is, about the family, about where I am in the bigger scheme of things and mostly whether I'm really satisfied with life.

And the answer is a big fat NO! Now don't get me wrong. I'm happy that I have a nice loving wife and two bratty kids. They mean the world to me. I'm thankful that I have a roof over my head. I'm thankful that I have a job. I'm thankful that I'm able to put food on the table.

But something is still missing. These days its become a chore just to wake up and go to work. I don't look forward to it anymore. I work hard, no doubts I do bum off once in a blue moon (who doesn't), but I do work my ass off. In fact I think I do more work than the entire office put together. I go way out of my job scope and do things that I'm not supposed to do all for the sake of helping the company.

But then I have staff working here who are really good for nothing, take leave whenever they like and don't turn up for work when it suits their fancy and leave all their work for others (namely me) to do. I could just as easily say, hey that's not my work so why should I do it, but then that would mean unfair to clients who actually pay to get their work done.

What they don't realize is that if the clients stop coming, then we wouldn't have money to pay their salary and it's not like we're doing all too well at the moment. And I'm the type of person who is passionate about my work. Which makes me even more depressed to see things like these happening. As good a friend my boss is to me, he's way to lenient with people that they tend to walk all over his head. But what can I do? I'm only a staff here as well.

Is this all really worth it? Working my ass off while others just take things easy? Am I really the stupid one? Working so hard and not really getting what I truly deserve? As it is I think I'm way underpaid. When it comes to work I'm really depressed. I used to enjoy coming to work. In fact I even look forward to it.

Not anymore. I wish I was rich enough to just quit, get myself a country side home fronting a lake and just live off the land in blissful peace. No worrying about useless people, no worrying about deadlines. Of course there has to be broadband connection. The other thing I'm passionate about is blogging. But right now, it's all just foolish dreams.

As it is making ends meet every month is getting harder and harder and there I am dreaming of retiring in some country side home ... siggghhh ... Maybe one day when I can open up my own business then I could probably earn a lot more than what I'm earning today and would some day afford that dream country side retirement home.

My good buddy also feels the same about work. He's as fed-up with it as I am and we've been talking for some time about opening up a business of our own together. I won't go into the details though we know what business we want to do and have set a specific year end or early next year target to get it running. We're both kinda excited about it and maybe that would turn out to be the missing piece in my life right now. Something to keep my mind off the depressing state of things these days.

But through all this depression I feel about life in general, I'm glad that wifey is there to help me through it. She doesn't say much (she doesn't need to) but the mere fact that she understands what I'm going through helps me get through these drab days a little easier. Right now, she's the brightest spark in my life and all I look forward to the entire day is to head home to her.

I hope tomorrow is a much better day!
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