I've Got To Be A Macho Man ...

Hey! Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
Macho, macho man (macho man)
I've got to be a macho man
Macho, macho man
I've got to be a macho! Ow ...

That's how the chorus of the song Macho Man by the Village People goes. And while I endevour to be as macho as I possibly can most of the times, I don't think I'll ever qualify to be a full fledge macho man! Not in this lifetime anyway.

While I'm not really afraid of much things, there is one thing that absolutely freaks me out. And that's creepy crawlies. Spiders to be exact. Oh and beetles too. And urrmm, cockroaches also. I'm absolutely, positively terrified of them. I know they're small and practically harmless but they freak me out nonetheless.

A few days back, the family and me were going out for lunch or was that dinner, I can't remember already. There I was driving and merrily singing along to the tunes from the radio when all of a sudden I notice this speck on my windshield.

Now, this speck was actually moving and I take a closer look to see what it is. And it turns out to be an itsy bitsy spider on the inside of my windshield staring back at me! Well, maybe he wasn't staring but it sure felt like it. You should have heard me scream (and it was a scream that would have put a true blue woman to shame ... LOL!).

Wifey and the boys are startled and looked at me. There I was in the midst of driving with my whole body turning rigid from fright and without moving my head, I whisper (so I wouldn't startle the spider into action) to wifey that there is a spider on my windshield right in front of me.

Wifey looks at me, asks me why I'm whispering, then looks at the itsy bitsy spider on the windshield, slaps her forehead, rolls her eyes and looks up to the heavens and says,

'Oh my god, that tiny thing? It's not going to eat you la honey ...'

'Shush, don't speak so loud, it might just jump on me ...' I reply.

'What utter nonsense!' she says

She tells me to just leave it be and it'll go away. Yeah, right. The bloody monstrous (well, to me anyway) thing was right smack in front of me and giving me the eye and it wasn't going anywhere in the near future. Besides, it just might decide to head somewhere else in my car and jump on my leg or something.

I plead with wifey to please get rid of the spider. She says she can't do anything just yet cos I'm still driving and I'd have to wait until we stop at a traffic light or something. I had half a mind to stop right there in the middle of the main road!

So there I was gripping the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles start turning white, sitting as far back as my body will go in my car seat, body taut with fear, one eye on the spider and one on the road waiting for the chance to stop the car.

We finally come to a traffic light where we have to stop and I scream at my wifey again to quickly get the darn thing off. Now, let me tell you something about that girl, she's the brave one in the family when it comes to things like this. Even the boys are cowards like me. She reaches over and tries to grab the spider (with her bare hands mind you!) and the spider starts jumping here and there trying to avoid capture.

I scream in fear that it might jump on me and the boys hearing me scream join in too. Soon we have everyone in the car screaming like mad fools (save for wifey) until she finally manages to capture the spider and throw it out the window. All three 'men' in the car are finally relieved but totally shaken from the ordeal ... LOL!

And that isn't the only time wifey has come to our rescue. Even at home, when we see a cockroach, beetle or spider, we'll be screaming her name to come save us ... LOL! I really have a phobia of creepy crawlies and spiders are way up there at number one on my list. I don't mind slimy worms, rampaging elephants, man eating tigers, Chicago accident attorney's (LOL!) but not creepy crawlies like spiders, cockroaches and beetles!

Thank god for wifey, the brave warrior princess of all things creepy and crawly. I'd probably die of fright if she wasn't around! See, with a phobia like that how to be a macho man, you tell me?
.