The Motivational Factor

I'm totally disappointed in myself. In fact I'm absolutely disgusted with myself. And right now I don't know what to do about it. It seems like it a never ending cycle of disappointment in myself that keeps on going and going and going.

Last year, somewhere around the 2nd of November, I made a deal with myself to start working out or I'll change my name to 'Moron' and judging by the way I'm going, I'm really going to have to change my name to 'Moron' soon. I even wrote it down on a piece of paper and pinned it to our little notice board at home as sort of a motivational thing for me.

And I was doing quite well. I started my running again. Something which I truly enjoy doing. I ran everyday and even got the family to join my in my outings. Everyone seemed to be enjoying it. I even bought myself a new pair of running shoes. I started to enjoy my runs again. I started to feel better about myself. Though there were the usual aches and pains that came with starting all over again, I didn't mind. In time I would have gotten used to it.

And what happens? I'm back to my old lazy, useless self sitting on my butt and making all sorts of excuses for not running. It all started just slightly before Christmas. It started with excuses like I'm too tired to run from all that house cleaning. Then it was my legs hurt from all that shopping we did. Followed by the weather is just too hot to run and the excuses got more and more ridiculous as the days went by like there are just too many cats on the roads, I just might trip over one, etc, etc, etc. You get the picture, right?

And even wifey has said I'm going back to my usual lazy ways. I've even stopped eating my salad meals like I once did and reverted back to eating rice and lots of it too! And the nickname 'bulat' that she's given me is making a comeback. And that new running shoes I bought? Well, it's sitting nicely in one corner of my room all spick and span from only being used three or four times. 

The problem with me is, I always seem to lose the motivation to run. I'd get all excited about starting up and when I do start I go into it full swing. I start running everyday and I improve on my time each day and just when I hit a comfortable running pace, I start losing the motivation. I start skipping a day here and a day there and then stopping entirely. This is like a cycle for me. Like I said, I lack the motivation to keep going nonstop. 

Sometimes I think it's just me. I love running. I think the world of running. I know I can run. But then, why do I always seem to give it up? I really don't know. I wish I did, then maybe I would be able to start running again and keep at it. I need some exercise. I feel so lethargic these days. I'm only 41 yet sometimes I feel like a 51 year old. In fact, I know some 51 year olds who are way fitter than me and run on a daily basis. What keeps them driven, I wonder. Maybe one day I'll ask them. 

I know I'll start running again. In fact I've promised myself to start running again from next week. And I'll probably do it. The only thing is, for how long? That is something I cannot answer. Maybe a week, maybe a month or maybe even three months but I know if I don't sort out finding ways to stay motivated I'll probably be here with my laptop writing a similar post a few months down the road. 

Do any of you have this problem? Or do any of you have any suggestions on how to stay motivated? Any suggestions or ideas will most definitely come to good use. It's either that or change my name to Nick 'Moron' Phillips. Hmmmm, maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea after all ... hehehe ...
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