Friday, January 16, 2009

A Shitty Story!

*And it really is a shitty story, so be warned*

I had a horrible two days. And it all came to a boil last night. I was plagued with a major case of food poisoning that I ended up dashing to the toilet every 20 minutes! And boy, did it flow ... hahaha ... But seriously though, the pain was excruciating and having to run to the toilet every 20 or so minutes didn't really help much.

Yesterday started out well enough. I woke up, was still feeling a slight carry over of the fever and body ache of the night before. Then after arriving at work, I started feeling a slight rumble in my tummy. I thought maybe it's a sign I needed to visit the toilet or something. But then, I didn't feel the need to go so I let it be.

Then work started coming in and problems needed to be solved so I kinda forgot about the slight tummy ache. But little by little, the slight rumble in my tummy started to gather on some speed and by evening it started changing from a minor rumble to a full blown category 10 (if there is such a thing) typhoon! And by then the pain was gathering some steam too.

I also felt bloated and so full of gas. That was when I knew I was suffering from the effects of food poisoning. The first thing I did when I reached home was give wifey a quick hug and then run like a mad person to the toilet. And boy did the flood gates open. The cacophony of gassy sounds that accompanied my toilet adventure was so loud and varied that when I was done, wifey asked me just what the heck I had eaten to create such a ruckus!

You should have seen the look of embarrassment on my face. I mean, I couldn't control the sounds and knowing that wifey was outside blogging and could hear the wonderful orchestra I was conducting that it made me wish the earth had opened up and swallowed me whole! I mean, we know each other pretty well and there really is nothing that we could do in front of each other that would embarrass either one of us, but this one was entirely a different scenario. LOL! And it went on all night to the point that it ruined my American Idol time and kept me awake till the very early hours of the morning.

And just in case you didn't know, bathroom sounds are so much more amplified in the still of the night that I was afraid my neighbours would have thought there was a mini war going on around the corner! LOL! I think I spent more time in the toilet last night than sleeping on my bed. And some of the sounds that came out, well, lets just say that I didn't believe could be possible to come from my urrmmm, well, to be blunt, ass! Hahaha! By the time my stomach finally gave me a break, I couldn't feel my behind from all the numbness of sitting on the toilet bowl.

I never knew a human being could have so much gas in their body but judging from the amount I expended last night, it could probably power the entire neighbourhood for close to 2 weeks minimum ... LOL! At least I know how they came up with the term 'windbag' :D And yeah, Adrian, I can imagine you smirking already!

I know it's not the best of topics to post about but I just couldn't resist posting this. Don't look at me like that. I'm sure all of YOU have at one time or other gone through something like what I just went through ... hehehe ... Ok, ok, enough of my shitty story. Suffice to say, I'm back to normal now which I thank the good Lord above cos I don't ever wanna go through that crap (pun most definitely intended) again!

Though I have a nasty suspicion my old hag neighbour may have heard the din I made last night cos when I came home this evening, she was eyeing me strangely ... hahaha ... Have a great weekend people :D
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18 comments:

  1. Hey Nick...food poisoning sucks...Hope you feel better@

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  2. Lol! Man, I could so relate to what you went thru. Juz when you think that there's nothing left inside, your "other end" juz surprises you with more... erm crap ;)

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  3. Diamond - Thanks and I feel much better now :D

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  4. Perky - I really never knew the kind of sounds that really could come out of my other end was so vast in its scope ... LOL!

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  5. hahahaha.. you can sure make a shitty story funny!! hope you are feeling so much better already ya :-)

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  6. I had food poisoning once, but it made me puke instead. Hope you're feeling better!

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  7. You are right - this is indeed a one heck of a shitty story! So much shit! haha! Well, count yourself lucky it's not so serious that you need to be hospitalised! I was hospitalised last year for food poisoning and I can tell you it's no fun! I hate to be connected to the drip and have to carry the drip all the way to the bathroom to do my business! : )

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  8. LMAO...I'm sorry to laugh Nick but OMG.....I could almost hear the orchestra from here. All jokes aside, I hope you are feeling much better now. You should definitely be a few pounds lighter.

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  9. Sting - I'm feeling so much better now, thank you :D At least the sounds have dissipated ... LOL!

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  10. Tammy - Ugh! Puking can be horrible too. In fact once I had it it coming out from both ends! LOL!

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  11. Foongpc - Yeah, being hospitalised can be a pain. Thank god mine was just more noisy than serious ... hehehe ...

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  12. Romany Angel - No worries, I was laughing when I wrote this post ... hehehe ... Oh yeah, I feel as light as a feather right now :D

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  13. Hahahaha! I hope you're feeling much better. I have had some terrible food poisoning when I was in college. Luckily, I was staying right in front of my college so I just went out of class, went back home. Luckily, my classmate was also my housemate and she brought back all my stuff for me.

    It was so bad.. vomiting and purging.. until I didn't know from which end it will come out from! LMAO!!

    But that was the worst, I thought I was gonna die.. like, seriously!!

    Hope you feel much much better!

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  14. Aiyo, you sure can give a vivid account of your little adventure. Good thing you're well now. That's a good excuse for not running though. You may just shit on your pants.

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  15. Shemah - After releasing all that crap (pun once again intended ... LOL) I feel so much better and lighter too :D

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  16. BT - LOL! Vivid imagination I have! Well, at least it was a legitimate excuse :D

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  17. What a shitty story indeed! :o)
    It's a good thing you're well!

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  18. Cidao - It was, wasn't it :D I'm all better now, thanks :D

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