A Shitty Story!

*And it really is a shitty story, so be warned*

I had a horrible two days. And it all came to a boil last night. I was plagued with a major case of food poisoning that I ended up dashing to the toilet every 20 minutes! And boy, did it flow ... hahaha ... But seriously though, the pain was excruciating and having to run to the toilet every 20 or so minutes didn't really help much.

Yesterday started out well enough. I woke up, was still feeling a slight carry over of the fever and body ache of the night before. Then after arriving at work, I started feeling a slight rumble in my tummy. I thought maybe it's a sign I needed to visit the toilet or something. But then, I didn't feel the need to go so I let it be.

Then work started coming in and problems needed to be solved so I kinda forgot about the slight tummy ache. But little by little, the slight rumble in my tummy started to gather on some speed and by evening it started changing from a minor rumble to a full blown category 10 (if there is such a thing) typhoon! And by then the pain was gathering some steam too.

I also felt bloated and so full of gas. That was when I knew I was suffering from the effects of food poisoning. The first thing I did when I reached home was give wifey a quick hug and then run like a mad person to the toilet. And boy did the flood gates open. The cacophony of gassy sounds that accompanied my toilet adventure was so loud and varied that when I was done, wifey asked me just what the heck I had eaten to create such a ruckus!

You should have seen the look of embarrassment on my face. I mean, I couldn't control the sounds and knowing that wifey was outside blogging and could hear the wonderful orchestra I was conducting that it made me wish the earth had opened up and swallowed me whole! I mean, we know each other pretty well and there really is nothing that we could do in front of each other that would embarrass either one of us, but this one was entirely a different scenario. LOL! And it went on all night to the point that it ruined my American Idol time and kept me awake till the very early hours of the morning.

And just in case you didn't know, bathroom sounds are so much more amplified in the still of the night that I was afraid my neighbours would have thought there was a mini war going on around the corner! LOL! I think I spent more time in the toilet last night than sleeping on my bed. And some of the sounds that came out, well, lets just say that I didn't believe could be possible to come from my urrmmm, well, to be blunt, ass! Hahaha! By the time my stomach finally gave me a break, I couldn't feel my behind from all the numbness of sitting on the toilet bowl.

I never knew a human being could have so much gas in their body but judging from the amount I expended last night, it could probably power the entire neighbourhood for close to 2 weeks minimum ... LOL! At least I know how they came up with the term 'windbag' :D And yeah, Adrian, I can imagine you smirking already!

I know it's not the best of topics to post about but I just couldn't resist posting this. Don't look at me like that. I'm sure all of YOU have at one time or other gone through something like what I just went through ... hehehe ... Ok, ok, enough of my shitty story. Suffice to say, I'm back to normal now which I thank the good Lord above cos I don't ever wanna go through that crap (pun most definitely intended) again!

Though I have a nasty suspicion my old hag neighbour may have heard the din I made last night cos when I came home this evening, she was eyeing me strangely ... hahaha ... Have a great weekend people :D
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